Choice
by phantoms and roses
Summary: What it would be like to start over? How does it feel like to do the same mistake again and again? Something never changes. One-shot. Reference to Dissidia 012.


Choice.

Choice is the problem.

Ever questioned yourself what it would be like to start over? Maybe like the way you play games; you make a wrong choice and restart from a save point. Actually, that would be the greatest bonus in life.

I did question myself. I know you did it too.

Everyone does.

xxx

There he is, young and healthy. The large sword strapped on his back like it really belongs there. He also has a yellow envelope in his hand and it's the same one I sent him earlier last morning.

I saw him asking the nurse for direction. Yesterday I told the nurse that I am expecting a visitor. She just laughed when I told her it was Cloud Strife.

What is she thinking now?

Cloud Strife, the hero of the world is now sitting right beside my bed that I can reach him anytime I want. But again, why would I want that? I thought I hate myself!

Or maybe it's the time.

Everything changes.

I look at Cloud only to find him staring at me.

Did he recognize?

Nope. Why he would recognize an 83 years old man who can barely support himself?

That's the question he would ask himself someday.

"I am Cloud Strife," he said, cutting my chain of thoughts.

I know. I also know what he is thinking.

What this old man wants from me?

Why he is wasting my precious time?

But the most important thing is how he knows my secret?

"Listen," he said uncomfortably, "I don't know who you are, but I think you sent this."

He didn't even ask my name.

He held the envelope in front of my eyes.

"Yes," I said.

"There is something in the letter that you should not know."

There it is.

"Shouldn't I?" I said slowly.

I no longer have the strength like before. But when I can't even speak without the sharp pain in my lungs, I feel too helpless. And the years of solitude made it even worse.

Now I speak with myself.

"No, you shouldn't."

I nodded. How can it be like this?

"But somehow I knew. Though it's not original, I thought it would be the best way to catch your attention."

"You have my attention now," he said simply. I can sense his discomfort now. No, it's not only discomfort, it's also fear.

But it's pointless now.

"You are late," I sighed.

"I had lots of work yesterday. I barely had time to read what's inside," he tried to explain. But didn't I say the important thing already?

I failed. We failed.

"I see. Where is Tifa?"

"You know her?" he asked. Now he is thinking something wrong.

"I do but trust me," I assured him, "I didn't get the secret from her. Actually, she doesn't know either."

Now he is narrowing his eyes.

"But you should have told her. That would have saved a lots of trouble."

Actually it's true.

"I don't understand," he said, "Why would I?"

"Why would you? That's a good question."

How naïve! Just like me. He only understands love when he loses it. Will he lose her too?

He already did.

"You didn't answer me," he said.

He tries to control everything. Should I tell him that…

No.

It's his life. He should make the choice.

What choice?

That's an interesting question.

With no answer.

"Go home," I said, "You will find your destiny there."

"What?"

I remember now.

"Go home and question yourself," I said again, "if the choice worth it."

But I know the answer.

xxx

I didn't tell him anything.

I hadn't given any hint either.

It wasn't easy to send him home without telling him the truth.

But I did it.

Now he is at his home.

What he would find there?

What he would ask Tifa?

What am I thinking?

Tifa isn't there. She already joined Cosmos. She already lost her memories. The war already began.

She is not coming back.

And Cloud is going after her.

I know it. I know it all.

That's what happened to me.

The same thing is happening for so many cycles.

They told me that nobody can change the past. It creates paradox. So nature makes it absolute.

But I wanted to come back.

I wanted to try.

I wanted to pass the message.

But he was late.

Just like me.

xxx

Why I joined the war?

For so long I didn't know the answer.

Now I know.

It's a feeling.

It has a name too.

Love.


End file.
